My loving Landon. I wanted to write you a letter so you will be able to look back and know just how amazingly special you are to me. I remember visiting you in the NICU and not knowing anything about you. In the beginning you didn’t stand out in the crowd because you were so well behaved. You soon grew out of that and learned that if you cried loud enough someone would come to your rescue. Your cry was very distinct and your daddy and I made fun of you for it. You always did three coughs before letting out the biggest scream you could muster up. By the time you came home to be with us you had earned the nickname Waaandon. You lived up to every bit of it too. You were doing great in the NICU except for your breathing. You had to stay longer because you were lazy and didn’t like to breathe without some help. Before we brought you home you had surgery on your bellybutton. That is why you have an outtie to this day. You had the biggest hernia I have ever seen. It was so big that the doctor who had operated had never done one that bad before. I have pictures so you should ask to see them one day. It will amaze you.
You came home and struggled. You couldn’t deal with the overwhelming world and all the noises it offered. In fact the first year of your life was pretty rough. Unfortunately, you just weren’t ready to come out of my belly when you did. That set you back. You and I quickly became a team and developed a bond that I can’t explain. While your bubbies and sissies were trudging along, you couldn’t do it alone. We had Dawn come in who was your physical therapist. She was amazing. I give her all the credit for how far you have come. When you couldn’t handle the world, which was 99% of the time, I would take over and get you through it. You needed me to survive. Your brain and regulatory system wasn’t mature enough to self sooth or regulate what was happening around you. So, I took you and together we made it through, minute by minute. Just about the time you were really taking off, your hemangioma on your butt started to break down. That was all she wrote. We took every step we had taken forward and leaped back to the beginning.
I have to say, that time was the hardest time I have had with you guys. You were in extreme pain and I couldn’t do anything to make it better. Poor guy, you couldn’t even sit up. Finally, I had enough lollygagging around and requested surgery. You were the first one to travel with us. Daddy and I took you to St. Louis where you were fixed. From there on, things have been getting better and better. You still have your moments, but you have changed so much.
I don’t have favorites, but that first year I developed an amazing bond with you. I imagine it is a lot like a singleton mommy would feel with her one child. You are so special to me. When you were doing so much better I was hanging on to the times when you still wanted me to hold you and snuggle up with you. I can’t believe you are almost 3 now and not my little baby anymore. However, I can see you going to college with your beloved blankies. Yes, great grandma Joy made 6 blankies for everyone. You have claimed all of them and they have holes and need washed everyday. It is disgusting because you chew on them at night and nap time. They smell like spit all the time.
You have made it through so much pain and stress in your short 3 years. It amazes me at how strong you are. I can’t imagine this world without your heart melting smile and silky smooth skin. You bring a smile to my face everyday. I love the way you love on your bubbies and sissies. They love you so much. They know you need your blankies and bring them to you when you are upset. They also tease you with them too. I’m sure that won’t stop anytime soon.
My prayer for you Landon is that you grow up knowing the love daddy and I have for you. I want you to dream big and reach for the stars. It melts my heart when you beg me let you touch the moon. You would give anything to be able to reach up and grab it. I don’t want you to ever change. Shoot for the impossible and never give up. You have a very loving way about you and melt everyone who is around. God has amazing plans for you. Live for Him and you will reach the moon one day. I love you so very much!
2 months ago