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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Elephants on the blog

Okay, I've never been one to ignore the big elephant in the room, so I am going to just say it. I know lots of you think badly of me for taking video while I was driving. Come on, be honest. The silence after I posted that was obvious. Actually, I did think about that before I posted it.

So, here goes my explanation. I know most of you have a video camera of some kind. Ours happens to have a little screen that comes out and can be turned in different directions. There was only one time I taped while I was going at a normal speed and it was obviously a straight interstate. All I did was open the screen and push the record button. I held the camera backwards and hoped I got all the kids in the shot. I never took both hands off the wheel or looked back. Besides, it wasn't any more dangerous than texting while driving, (which I don't do), and certainly wasn't anymore involved than eating while driving which I know we all do. So, I just wanted to clear the air and give my explanation. I am sorry if I upset anyone, but I don't think I did anything life threatening to my kids.

Now to the fun (not so much) stuff. So, I didn't do anymore video diary because the trip was less than joyful. I think I was too positive about the trip. In a nutshell, it was awful and stressful and dangerous and depressing. No parent wants to believe that their kids are brats. But, mine are right now. They were awful. If I had the energy to think of a better word I would. I can't even put it into words. By last night I was so upset I had to shed a couple tears. Just as I begin to embrace my life of having quintuplets, they do something like this. They made me look at what our future holds and just how bad it can be. I was ready to take the next step into becoming little kids. Instead, they opened my eyes to just how little we still can do. When your kids absolutely will not listen to you it just isn't safe to do anything. I don't have the hands or ability to corral five kids who are wild. Someone is going to get hurt and no amount of adventure is worth that. We are just blessed that God held my kids hands as they chose to run out in the parking lot, stand at the highest point in the playground equipment and choose NOT to jump, pull on Happy dog's ears and body until he bit them. The list goes on and on. Seriously, the kids were so bad that in all reality they should have been kidnapped or hurt. God watched over every second of our trip. That is the only way we made it home in one piece. There are very few pictures and just a little video. Not much worth capturing on this trip.

I know, they are still only 2 1/2. I know things will get better. I know we are blessed that they are healthy. I know we should be digging the positive out of all situations.

BUT, right now I want to be grouchy. Tomorrow I will be positive and give you the positive part of the vacation. I just need my own bed and pillow to think about what that could possibly be. Until tomorrow...

Good Night!

9 comments:

Paula71 said...

You need not feel bad. Anyone who can say they are never distracted when they drive are well, liars. Two year olds are a handful and I admire the fact that you were brave enough to take the out like that. I work at a daycare and wouldn't take those 2 year olds anywhere that is not gated or walled off. keep your head up.

Amy said...

Emily, You are a great mamma! I hope you sleep well and do find the positives! I didn't even give the video a second thought, I kept checking for updates! I'm sure a hug from your best friend was a bit of medication your heart needed too. Like you said...they are only 2...so don't be so hard on yourself.

Stephanie said...

I didnt even think about that when I watched it! I know you would never put that precious cargo in danger!

Stephanie said...

You are great mother and I would never ever think you would put in your kids in danger, EVER! No need to explain to yourself. You are an awesome mom!!! Hang in there and we love you all!

Kimberly & Alex said...

give yourself some credit too, you are one tough and brave mamma, you kept your kiddos safe. i hope you enjoyed some time with your fried!

Moni Graf said...

Girl, I know how you feel. Sometimes it's just so hard to see the fun when the kids are being hellions. They're ALOT to handle (and no, your kids aren't the only ones who can misbehave and be wild....rest assured about that!)

Hope you have a better day tomorrow!

Love,
Moni

Nicole said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Em. You love those kids, kept them safe, and did what you could to give them an adventure, and that's all that matters!

Metzger Mommy said...

First - the name of this post is cute. Second - travel is stressful even if your kids behave perfectly. Hang in there. In a year it will be easier, right? We all have those "I'm a not a good enough mom" moments. Hopefully we'll all figure out how to be good moms by the time our kids are 25. :)

Anonymous said...

I hope you find some positives because to you they may have been bad, but I have seen much worse and to me they were good in most situations they were put in, considering all circumstances. Emily you are a wonderful MOM and your kids love you to death to prove that. I had a great time with you this week and although it was stressful it now just gives us an excuse to go get the hot stone massage next week, so that is one positive:)

Love ya and miss you and the kids already!

Chan

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