So, Thursday night the kids asked to sleep in the living room. I was quick on my feet and told them we would do it on Saturday night. That stopped any objections and got them into bed peacefully.
I momentarily forgot my "little boys and girls" aren't 3 anymore and remember things now. It wasn't long after they returned from grandma & papaw's house Peyton asked if we were going to sleep in the living room. In two seconds the blankets were drug in along with their pillow pets.
We went into the basement and did some wrestling, throwing, jumping, and lots of laughing. After a premier of The Little Mermaid, a childhood favorite of mine, we came upstairs for jammies. Rob & I hauled the trusty mattress up and the kids piled on. That was it. They haven't moved. Landon is the first and only one asleep so far. It's been a great night!
I would give you one more kiss!! I would tell you how much I love you!! I would grab you up in my arms and squeeze you until you begged for air!! Isn't that what we all say about the passing time?
Today I didn't feel the way I thought I would feel. Sunday was the day of total celebration. The day we all came together to have a huge party and show the kids just how much we love them. I had planned on today being somewhat similar. I wanted to make it as special as I could.
When I woke up I found myself lacking in enthusiasm and excitement. Of course I masked all of my feelings and put on the biggest smile and woke all of them up with a big Happy Birthday!! They popped up and were happy to have another day dedicated to them. As I got them settled in with cups of cereal and Mickey Mouse Club House I went to finish getting ready.
All morning my mind drifted to the moments just before their birth up through their first few months. I ended up meandering downstairs and looking through their scrapbooks. I was looking for something. Something that reminds me in the most intense way of just how blessed we are. I wanted to find their diapers. These diapers aren't just any diapers. They are the diapers they wore right after they were born. I pulled one out and just held it. I remember the day they were born like it just happened. I could retell the evening just as though it were moments ago. It is forever etched in my mind and heart. The day our lives were changed forever.
(This is my MP3 player. Pictures just don't do it justice)
I carried the diaper with me all day. I took it to work with me and throughout the day I picked it up and just held it. I don't know...it is weird. I wanted to go back in time. Just for those couple of hours when they were born. So I could have those moments back and know what I know now. That way I could hold them without fear of losing them. I would tell them all the plans I had for them and all the adventures they would have together. I would take every second I had to will them to fight. Instead, I look back and see a frightened mommy who was trying to be strong. I wasn't pushing them to fight, I was preparing myself for loss. Instead of being their rock, I was protecting myself.
Today did not feel the way I had hoped it would feel. No, it was full of memories and moments I will never get back. I put on a happy face and made the evening fun for the kids, but inside I wanted to go back in time and relive every moment I could. I wish I could rattle off all the funny things they have done over the past 4 years. There are so many moments I wish I could relive. I don't want to do it all over again. The good Lord knows I definitely don't want anymore kids:), but I have this panic of forgetting. You know how over time the emotion fades and the memories we once treasured are gone? That is what I fear.
This day was bitter sweet. I can't tell you how excited I am to go places and watch the kids take in the world as they see it. At the same time, I realize time is passing so quickly. It is like watching the sunset and seeing the very last ray fall below the horizon. The days of diapers and cribs and bibs are gone. The last few glimpses of my little babies are quickly fading. I am scared to blink for fear that they will be gone and I will have missed it.
Today was a good day. It was a day of celebration and reminiscing. I embraced it fully and am so glad I have this blog to remind me of just how blessed I am.
Today was party day!! The countdown was over, anticipation was at its max, they have been waiting for this day for at least a month. We went to church this morning and rushed home to start decorating. Thankfully my sister and brother-in-law came by early to help decorate. Nikki was a lifesaver too. She locked herself in a room and wrapped presents while I finished setting up the cake stuff. Seriously, we would have been in trouble if we hadn't had help. Thank you!!!
My Aunt Jody and I made the cake balls. They were lions, tigers, frogs, butterflies, and flowers. They were a HUGE hit!! Thanks Jody for all the hard work you put in to help with those! Once people started to arrive things got busy!! We sang happy birthday and after cake and ice cream the kids scattered outside. The Lord decided to give us a birthday present too! Warmer Sunny Weather!! You can't ask for anything better when you have as many people as we had in our house. The doors were open and everyone could meander about. We quickly transitioned to the presents. I felt bad rushing through them, but people weren't supposed to bring gifts. We had so many we had to keep it moving to get through them all. We love all of our friends and family. They spoil the kids rotten!!Sydney was so excited for the princess dress up stuff she got. The girl so so animated!! Landon is more subdued. He wanted to open the cards and look at everything. Peyton was thrilled to get a cape, pirate hat and sword from Grandma Shannon and Papaw Tony. He has wanted one since before Christmas. He didn't take it off the entire night. Jenna had to put everything on that she opened. She had her cape, hat, and ball glove on! My fingers are raw from ripping boxes and twisting wires to get things out. It was an awesome day! Oh yeah, they also got a trampoline from Grandma Esther, Papaw Bob, Aunt Mel & Uncle Shawn. See what I mean about being spoiled!!! We got the girls each a barbie, and the boys a remote control car. We also got them each a ball mitt, T, bat, and balls. They can't wait to get outside and start practicing!! What a great Day!! The only thing that could have made it better was if Papaw Bob could have been here to Celebrate with us!! He is a huge part of the kids lives and they missed him. Next year we will make sure to plan the party on a Saturday. To everyone who came and celebrated this great day with us, Thank You!!! We love you all!!
Well, we are less than 2 weeks away from the kids 4th birthday! I can't believe what I did tonight after work. I went to the Middle School and signed the kids up for T-ball. That's right! T-BALL!! Seriously?? I never could picture what life would be like at this age. I had hopes and aspirations...but never could see it coming to pass. I can see little changes here and there that give me hope all the things we want to do this year. I took the kids to my best friend Chandra's a few weeks ago. The kids took the 3 hour ride perfect. I went out on Black Friday last year and bought a dual portable DVD player. That thing is a God send! About half way I went thru McDonald's drive-thru for burgers. I made the kids go potty before we left since I was by myself. Syd needed to go about 20 minutes into the drive. I told her she was gonna have to hold it. After we got our food I pulled into the back of the parking lot and climbed in back. Syd, Ethan, and Landon squatted and filled a cup. I changed the movie out and we were on our way again. It was completely quiet for the next hour and a half. The kids were so good the entire weekend!! I couldn't believe it! It gives me hope for all the great trips I want to take. After we got home tonight I took the girls braids out. Its so funny, when I took Syd's hair out of her braids she said, "It's like Happy!" Happy is Chandra's cockapoo. Her hair really does feel like his fur! It is all crimped and curly like his. So I pulled out the trusty camera and we went a little crazy. Lots of smiles and laughter to go around!